FOLAKE: Hello ….. Hello …… Sweetheart can you hear me.
TADE: Its a little unclear, babe. I can’t hear you.
FOLAKE: Tade. Tade! Can you hear me now?
TADE: No B I can’t. Lets talk later please. The line is bad and i’m swamped with work at the moment.
FOLAKE: Awwwww, pele baby mi, who gave my babe plenty work to do?
TADE: Its that bas*ard CEO. God will still punish that man. Flies in and out of the country every other day to be giving me his work to do but if I should suggest salary increase penren, the bastard will start complaining about the financial times we’re in. Financial times kor, financial times ni. We run a hotel not a newspaper. Mscheeeeeew!
FOLAKE: Eiya, ma binu jor. Sho gbo? Olowo Ori mi don’t be angry. It seems the line is clear now sha, let me quickly say what I wanted to say.
TADE: Babe can’t it wait? This work ….
FOLAKE: I just wanted to tell you that I had a dream ni o. That your first son will be tall and handsome and extremely intelligent and gbogbo obinrin will be chasing him. And he’ll look like you but he’ll have more body. O ti tinrin ju.
TADE: *heavy sigh* you have started again with this your MFM behaviour. My son will be tall, my son will be fine, he’ll be smart. Says who?
FOLAKE: Who else? His mother na.
TADE: who is his mother? You? You don dey price ring? Who told you you’re his mother?
FOLAKE: The ‘pee stick’ in my hand right now that reads ‘positive’. I’m waiting for you at your apartment.
Needless to say, I was dumbfounded. Emi Oguntade Ademilua, omo akin, Elebolo 1, Chairman Oshomo LGA, President National Womanizers Association, Perm Sec Ministry of Sare Wa Affairs had been caught.
I felt like bush meat. It was too bad that the hunter was Folake. Of all the babes I had been with. The ones that looked like mami waters, danced like strippers and knacked like professionals (some of them probably were), none of them could pin anything on me. Then homely folake, that I had to cajole for 2 weeks before I took her virginity has come with pregnancy.
To even suggest abortion is off the table. After my 26 years clean sheet. Chei! I won’t deny the child. My father did not raise a bastard. I am stuck with it.
This thing can put man in trouble sha. The babe was on her own in the compound, na me near am. With her keep Lagos clean skirt and scarf. Oju kokoro ma lo koba mi. I can’t deny the thrill of the chase was different sha. Awon omo unilag yen, you know she’s going to do it, just a matter of time and format, and once you mention ‘I run Four Points’, significantly less effort in each case.
With Folake I wasn’t sure.She resisted everything but herself. She was calling me her husband from day one. The reason she let me in eventually wasn’t because she wanted a new blackberry or to lounge in V.I.P. It was because the poor misguided thing had real feelings for me.
I could actually talk to her. After I realized all my grandstanding wasn’t going anywhere, I dropped the act. She told me more about herself before our first and only time than I had learnt about all my flings combined. I told her more.
She would call to make sure I was OK during the day. She remembered the challenges I faced at work. She even tried to make me born again. Omo daada lomo yen. The day I tried to make her jealous and brought a random babe home, the dignity with which she feigned ignorance and nonchalance surprised me. I was used to the cat fights and the screaming.
She deserves better than I can offer. Money aside. She’s a good girl, to tie herself down with me … It can’t be good for her or for the child she’s carrying.
She might deserve better but I’m all she gets. I’ll make myself better. For her. For our son.
I swear to both of them, from this day on, that I’ll be a man they can both be proud of. I’m dropping my titles at the door of this hotel room when I leave.
But first, I have to pari ise on her sister. Afterall, I’ve already paid for the Bold 5. Money cannot waste.
OLADIMEJI OJO (@dimeji90) is a Barrister-at-Law in the making. In his spare time, he is also a writer, poet and is considering penning a book.